~**Monday, December 16, 2002**~
god dammit. why do people think they can fix me? they think my problems are so fucking miniscule compared to them not being able to cheerlead in college, or their dad not helpng them pay for it, or they can't decide who to date. then they have the audacity to recomment that "it will all pass"...that's right, i've been troubled for 17 fucking years now, and look how many times it's passed, and hit me right in the face again. does it never occur to anyone that i've analyzed every aspect of my life, every god damned inch of it and a million times over too. do they really think that they know who i am, or what i'm about, or how to *FIX* my life? i know what's wrong with my life. i know it very well, it's my best friend and it's also my very worst enemy. i've become so intimate with my life that i've, in fact, slept where it sleeps, and it's a cold fucking place to try and dream of pulling yourself out of. there's not 'quick fix' for it either, i've just got to grin and bear it. i've got to bear their shit, so they can be on their pedastal while i'm the trash, thinking they're so above me that they can poke me, and prod me until it simply isn't there anymore. i'm so pissed off right now at everyone it makes me want to retreat back into my mothers womb, where my tears can mix with her blood. and all that's cluttering my mind right now is the stupid petty shit that pisses me off in the first place. bah.

~**Wednesday, November 27th, 2002**~
Well, this is it. I've gone far too long without writing something in here, and now I'm paying the price. My hands could never move as fast as my mind is going right now. This *is* a vent page, and I have a lot to vent about. But hmmm, where to begin? For one, people are again reinforcing my cynical viewpoint that we are an evil breed, the ole "I can *NOT* think for myself" stereotype. There is nothing more overbearing than someone who, instead of forming their own viewpoints and opinions of things, model theirs after such role models as 'online popularity leaders' that may be nothing more than mumbling idiots who for reasons unknown, seem to possess the will of others. Meh. I shall not name specific names. Anyhow, link by link, I just discovered the humungous Anti-Avril corner of the web. Nifty, non?


Which stupid Avril are you?

I think people are rushing to jump on the Anti-Avril bandwagon. Soon I'm going to be hearing the same fucken teenyboppers screaming "AVRIL IS SOOOO PUNK! WERD!!" saying "Oh my GAWD. Avril is *SUCH* a poseur. She will never REAL punk like BLINK 182!". And then I will die from a headwound as I would have stabbed myself in the eye. I bitch about people a lot, non? Is anyone sick of hearing me bitch by now? Oh....well...TOO BAD! : ) Oh yes, I was sifting through my bookmarks when I revived IE today, and found a nifty story I think everyone should read called

Harrison Bergeron

by Kurt Vonnegut. It's disturbingly captivating. Okay, well, since my eyes are closing by themselves, and I have to get up at probably 6 am tomorrow morning, I think I'd better skidaddle. Later, kiddies. ;)

~**Wednesday, September 5th, 2002**~
Sitting in the library again, it's 2nd hour, I have things to do, but I am drawn here, to talk.bizarre and you insane people. hah. And because the chatroom won't load. I should probably be writing my film critique of Babyface. Went to bed last night at around 8thirty, I was extremely tired. Usually the gym kicks my ass. I hate that, because then I'm too tired to practice guitar. But I went out with my grandma to eat last night. Why the hell am I writing this shit?!? What was this page meant for anyways?!? Oh yeah, to talk about all the F**cking stupid things people do. hah. Okay well in that case, I have nothing to bitch about, so I might as well go write about Lilly Powers and how she 'moves up the corporate ladder'. What a prostitute. hah. Anyhow...

~**Wednesday, August 27th, 2002**~
I am eating melty ice cream out of a Teenage Mutant Ninja turtle bowl. I think it's Donatello, but it could be Raphael. Oooh, but that's how life goes sometimes, huh? DAYUM it's been a long time since I've written on this page. But look at me now, almost three, four, oh who gives a hell months later. I'm doing it for YOU PEOPLE. I want you to feel GOOD about riding the one cent pony and making fun of poor helpless three legged dogs. That's what I'm here for, right? To feed your egos. And how magnificent we will make them.

"I kind of like having low self esteem. It makes me feel special." -Jane Lane.

Anyhow, I just got CABLE internet. Yeah, I know my grandma was like six when they invented it, but hey I'm catching up. heh. Anyhow, I'm burnt, I think I'm gonna chat for a little bit and then go to bed. Check back here for more updates. I'm adding a lot of stuff that has been on my site forever, but you people haven't seen. Yeah, I know, you're excited. But try and limit it to your pants. Okay, that's a rap!

~**Sunday, March 31st, 2002**~
What a fairytale night. "Once upon an Easter ham, there was a mother, her son, her daughter, the mother's mother, and her brother. They all sat at the table to eat their ham dinner, and suddenly...."WE USED TO CALL IT A DILLYWHACKER." blurts the senior of the table. Has she no manners? Apparently not. heh. Ahhh well, tis a typical time of family reunion at my house. Then my brother, my uncle and I retired to the frontroom from where we discovered the mean five hour madness of Resident Evil 2. You know, seniors are funny. My grandma and my mom were watching us 'kids' play videogames, and all of a sudden she'll blurt out something stupid like "What is making that noise?" and looks around the room, oblivious to the non-human apparitions on the tv screen. And I say "Everything's okay Grandma, go back to sleep now." and she just looks at me blankly. I've been told recently that I'm a certified 'thumbmasher' by boys in my math class. Apparently, when you're playing some sort of fighting game, and you corner your opponent and just keep beating on them by pressing the same button, and not giving them enough time to try and take you out with the special moves that takes them weeks to learn, you're a 'buttonmasher'. Who would have known, eh? And my brother always gets so frustrated. He's like "will you just STAND STILL for a minute so I can try out this new move?" and I am thinking, what did they raise this kid on, ciggys n choco milk? Get a life. Anyhow, then we got to reminiscing about how my brother and my cousin would sit and play video games together, only pausing for minute seconds to garble something to eachother in their best impression of the dorky mad scientist off of the Simpsons. "Geeeehygan!" heh. It's actually quite amusing. But as for me, my eyes need rest after those five hours of evillll.

~**Friday, March 29th, 2002**~
Sometimes I wonder why I'm still awake. But then I am reminded that there assholes to see, and bullshit to put up with and I just shrug and continue bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders...Or so it seems.

My name is Yon Yonson,
I work in Wisconson,
I work in a lumbermill there,
The people I meet when I walk down the street,
They say, "What's your name?"
And I say,
"My name is Yon Yonson,
I work in Wisconson..."


I could go on, you realize. Where is my asprin? heh. Got stood up today, for the 80 bizillionth time. Maybe I just shouldn't put any effort into anything and not give a shit, who the hell else will care. Might make my life a whole lot easier. *lol* I miss my friends. They're all on vacation. But soon I will be in Chicago. Wow, this has cooled off a lot...I guess I'm not as angry as before...I guess since that's such a major bummer, I will stop writing now.